Two Weeks after court and she's at it again

Comment

Comment by Legs on November 6, 2009 at 4:12pm

Now, I had to say that I am a big sports fan. I was a cheerleader all through high school, played field hocky, volleyball and was on the schools gynmastic team. I took dancing and piano, so I am all for children participating in activities. My own boys participated in everything they wanted to participate in and was financially reasonable. I also think that time spent with their father and grandparents is important also.

The problem here is, BM keeps them in something all the time. These children never have a down weekend when they are not participating in an activity. They play city league softball in the summer and then football in the fall--along with cheerleading in the fall, then there is soccer and then basketball. And they are never allowed to miss a practice. SD1 is also playing volleyball, in select softball (which goes all year long), she's a cheeleader and she plays basketball. Mom keeps them so busy that there is never a weekend that they can come spend with us without cutting our time short. We aren't so sure that all the activities are as important to the children as they are to mom. She seems to be living her life through them. And it's like she needs them to be involved in things so that she will have a social life of her own and something to participate in. This is what gives her life meaning. As soon as she decides to go man chasing, the kids activities drop and my husband gets them every weekend again. Currently she is married (newly), but it is not a normal relationship so we don't feel comfortable that it will last very long.

Watching them participate in their activities is not a problem except that if we are there, BM always makes a sceen. She is always wanting to fight about something. It sounds so stupid, but she will do just about anything in order to get my husband's attention. She even went over and pulled SS out of their half time huddle and drug him to where we were sitting so that his father could say hello. Not that we hadn't already talked to SS before the game had started. She will bring her youngest daughter over to SD1 to babysit if SD1 is sitting with us under the pretense that Lulu wants to be with you SD1. Everytime the children want something to drink, she has to come over to husband and ask him to go and get it. And she always threatens to start a fight (fist fight) if he brings me to the games or practices. We've tried to sit on the other teams side so that we can watch without her standing in front of us, but she just came over there. She even had to start changing her shirt in front of where we were loading up the car. You just can't go and sit and watch the child.

Comment by neemeese on November 6, 2009 at 2:25pm

Competition cheer is a bit different from regular after school cheer stuff. My SD was involved in competition cheer for a couple years when her dad and I were first dating. Competition cheer is a big deal... and as you've seen/heard, it is very expensive as well. First, I would suggest what the others have said and talk to SD and find out if this is something she even WANTS to do. If she does want to be involved, I agree with what mespanish said about possibly taking her to practice and hanging out and watching/sharing this activity with her. With competition cheer, it really does do a dis-service to the rest of the squad when someone misses practice... but like another poster said, if it's just one practice a month that she's missing, that shouldn't be too bad.

That being said, yeah, definately have a talk with the lawyer about this. BM should have talked to Dad first about this activity before she signed SD up to make sure Dad was okay with this. She may have thought that 2 hours wasn't a big deal... but she should've made sure Dad also thought it wasn't a big deal (who should have consulted you as well).

Comment by His Rock? on November 6, 2009 at 3:09am

I love it! BM has them running so much they are exhausted when they get here. And you never know what the time is and no one calls to let us know. We are supposed to just accomodate them. I hate it!

Comment by Legs on November 5, 2009 at 3:46pm

I've just sent an email to the lawyer and asked him for clarification. I'll have to send him copies of the text messages since she isn't following the court order. Hopefully I'll hear something back this afternoon.

Comment by skeeter777 on November 5, 2009 at 2:09pm

I think you've made the right decision. Talk to her coach and ask how it will impact her and also talk to your SD as well. Everyone in the situation needs to know that bio-mom can't run around making decisions alone that impacts everyone and let SD know that also it is a court ordered arrangement and that our legal system officially has final say if the parents cannot come to an agreement. Bio-mom is being unreasonable and selfish trying to undermine the relationship the girls have with you & especially their father. Good luck, and chin up!! You're doing the right thing :)

Comment by Legs on November 5, 2009 at 11:40am

I think that I've made a decision. I think that my husband and I should take the kids to SD2s cheerleading practice on Sunday and explain to the coach the situation and see what kind of an impact it will have on SD2. This is competition cheer and it was specifically addressed in our enforcement hearing because the BM had signed ups SD2 without talking to my husband first. SD2 didn't ask to be in competition cheer and didn't know anything about it until BM came home with all the paperwork and told her that she had paid $700.00 for her to be in competition cheer. SD2 was very impressed that mom would pay $700.00 for her to do something.

BM text'd my husband yesterday that she has recorded SD1 (13) saying that her father never comes to watch her volleyball, basketball or cheerleading. I can't believe she would actually ask a child to say those things on tape. Anyway, SD1 participated in these activities after school, not on the weekends. Like I said before, we live 2 1/2 hours away from the children. To be at an after school activity means my husband would have to leave work at 1:30 in the afternoon to drive to the school to watch a 4:00 activity. He has a limited amount of vacation time and can't just take off on during the week like that. This

Comment by Kaiti on November 5, 2009 at 11:20am

I have to deal with this kind of stuff constantly. We split the kids 50/50. Every Tuesday, Thursday and every other weekend. When I enrolled the kids in stuff, I made sure it fell on our days. But lately the BM has been signing them up for stuff and it still falls on our days. Guess who ended up having to run everyone to the practices all the time. ME....I dont mind if its something I set up, but I hate having to be told whats gonna happen on our days from her. At one point I put my foot down and said I wouldnt be doing it anymore and that she would have to figure out how to get them there. She did for a few days by asking other people to come get them and made us look bad because we wouldnt do it. And slowly it seems to be reverting back to me because the kids come to me and say mom cant take me or find a ride so will you take us. I do think its good for the kids to be in stuff but I hate that it takes away from our night with the girls.

So I know what your going thru. Hope you can work it out.

Comment by Jackie on November 5, 2009 at 11:02am

Follow the court order. Put all conversations in writing. Conversing back and forth about cheerleading and negotiating is null and void now that the judge made a direct order addressing activities such as this.

You are right- it is his weekend, and this activity gets in the way. However, you will need to address this with SD so she understands that the time she is spending with you and your husband is worthwhile (just to put into words). She may get upset, but kids need limits and boundaries to feel safe.

Good luck and I am right there with you!!!!!

Comment by RIRedbird on November 5, 2009 at 9:20am

I suggest talk to SD and see how into cheering she really is. My husbands ex used to sign the kids up for all kinds of stuff even if they had no interest and since we had a week at a time trade off, ( we live about 2 miles from each other and kids could stay in same school), I got stuck doing the running because of work schedules, and they didn't even want to go, tennis, Karate, music, it was really so she didn't have to interact with them I think, inconveniencing us was a bonus.

Also talk to Coach yourself and explain situation, if it's only one practice a month she missing, it's not that big a deal they are 8 for pete's sake a little to young to have that much commitment to anything. If ex won't give you number call the organization, or the judge Dad has a right to know who is supervising the kids.

Comment by mespanish on November 5, 2009 at 8:41am

I understand your position, especially considering what the judge stated.

Have you considered taking SD to her practice and returning her to the mother afterwards? Assuming you could stay and watch the practice... you know, take it as an opportunity to share in her activities.

Just wondering if that would be an option you would consider.

But I do understand about being asked to compromise when she already agreed to all weekend with no activities. If the agreement were on paper it might be easier to hold her to it.